Jokes of the Day!!!

[ESipes_89]

Just a lil' somethin' to lighten everyones mood.


Red Riding Hood and the Wolf

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping through the forest road when she sees
The big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.

' My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.'

The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again
And this time he is crouched behind a bush.

'My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.'

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf
Again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.

'My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.'

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, 'Will you knock it off,
I'm trying to poop!'


The Pope and Hillary Clinton

The Pope and Hillary Rottenham Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

"Her Majesty" and "His Holiness," however, since both have seen it all before, so to
make it a little more interesting, the Senator says to the Pope, "Did
you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every
Democrat in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure
enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd.
Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance,
considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that
with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the
crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like
that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will
forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The Senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your
hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.


Now my favorite!!!

UPS

UPS workers have a sense of humor... Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those who fly routinely in their jobs, I'm sure!


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS:

Pilots. Comments are marked with a P and the solutions recorded marked with an S by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


laughter really is the best medicine.
Brighten someones day,
-Eric