A shift in priorities

[cassidyta]

A few of the folks on here already know, but my marriage is at a very precarious point
My wife of 10 1/2 years has told me that she doesn’t love me and is not sure that she can. In her defense, I have driven her to this point.
For several years now, I have had a hard time controlling my anger. I once posted about taking her fishing and how badly it turned out when she accidentally hooked me with a spro frog. There have been several outbursts by me that have pushed her further away each time. I have been a ticking bomb for a long time and she can no longer handle it. In her defense, she has not simply walked out and is willing to wait and see if I can change and if she can love the man I can be.
I am very much not a fan of making excuses for inappropriate behavior. I have always considered any diagnosis to be simply an excuse, but I am at rock bottom and am very willing to try anything. So, after a few meetings with a “Dr” and I use the term loosely, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and something they call Survivor’s guilt. Some of this comes from my Marine Corps career, some from other things.
I do not know if this will work and I do not know if it will save my family, but I will be damned if I will simply refuse to try.
I was once a very religious person who led a children’s ministry. At this point in my life, I cannot pray. I just don’t know why He would listen to me. Each time that I have been “blessed” with something, I manage to screw it up. This does not mean that I do not believe in Him, I just don’t know how to talk to him myself. So, if you are a person who prays, I would ask that you pray for me. My only prayer is that I can be the type of husband and father that my family deserves.