College Football...Windin' Down.

[Lancer6]

The college season is winding down and there have certainly been a few surprises. All of the pre-season Top Ten have gone down, some twice or MORE (See: Texas) and a few perennial doormats reached greatness, at least for a little while (See: Kentucky).
There are some coaching changes; Most were expected, some were not, and at least one had more to do with the lunacy of administrations and boosters than with on-field effort (See: Arkansas). Another had to do with on-field results AND coaching lunacy (See: Dennis Franchione and "Newsletter").
This raises a question; Who in their right mind would take the Baylor job?
Then there's Michigan. For UM's sake I hope UM alum Les Miles stays at LSWho. Lloyd Carr was a class act and they need another of his type, not some nutcase.
Firing Ed Orgeron at Ole Miss was a foregone conclusion. Only winning the SEC would have saved his bacon.
Jim Tressel wears one-size-too-small sweater vests. Great for pompom girls, not so good for coaches.
Mack Brown has been further exposed as a great recruiter and lousy game coach. We pretty much knew this when OU cleaned his clock five-in-a-row and has since resumed that track AND when, of all people, Franchione beat him two-in-a-row (THEN got canned).
Bob Stoops proved that he is human, the Sooners' brain-farts v. Colorado being the example. On the other hand, if you want to have some fun, sneak up behind Mack Brown and say "Stoops!". You'll have to peel him off the ceiling.
Oregon's most recent loss proved WHY Oklahoma has the right to "OU", leaving the Duckies to settle for "UO". But let's be kind to our web-footed friends, for a duck may be somebody's mother.
And now, for the announcement of this season's National Collegiate Football Champion...(drum roll, please!)............
It's...It's...It's...(The suspense is killing me!)...........

ALABAMAAAAAAAA! (for the 73rd time!)

Yes, the West Possumtrot AL semi-weekly newspaper, The Klansman- Times-Rebel, has made the announcement. The sports staff voted (right after they finished writing up the latest obituaries and boll weevil alert,) and the results are in...It's 'Bama by a landslide.
Never mind the season record (Lost to Loozianna Mun-reaux? Are yew kiddin' me??? And got beat by Auburn to boot.). Somewhere, the previous coach is ROTFLHAO, and rightly so. Saint Nick (Saban) better get his act together or the Klan will come a-calllin'.
Good news! Mike Singletary is too darned smart to take the Baylor gig.
More good news! Texas Aand/orM made what I believe will prove to be an excellent hire in selecting Mike Sherman.
Bulletin: Mike Price is doing an OK job at UTEP and has not been spotted in a tittay bar since moving to El Intercepted Paso.
Observation/Rant: There needs to be a rule forbidding those goofy dreadlocks to hang out of the helmet OR a rule making it OK to tackle by yanking the ap-Cray out of 'em.
Annual Excessive Skin Illustrations Award goes...again... to the The Warriors of The University of Hawa-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee. Even on their FACES
Did you know that Mike Gundy (AKA Gumby), coach of the less-than-mighty Okie State Cowboys is a MAN! (and he's 40!) Just check on YouTube, (Linky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VytIZZzee0 Greatness at about 2:24 in...you'll see.)
Did yew see Pete Carroll after a game in rain? EMERGENCY!!! Is there a stylist in the house?!?!?!
Joe Pa made semi-headlines for an obscenity-laced road rage outburst at a lady...on Punt State's campus, no less.
Steve "The Old Ball Coach" Spurrier still looks like he's sucking on a lemon with needles stuck in it.
Bobby Bowden has stuck around too long. He and Joe Pa are competing to see who will actually die during a game.
Mike Leach is a loon (actually, he looks more like a parrot) but you gotta love him.
This just in! Alabama has already been named Nat'l Champs for the '08, '09, and '10 seasons.
Bill Callahan should have had one more year. Dunno why, but Stoops wanted him to stay at NU forever, so did Pinkel, Mangino, Chizik, Hawkins, and Prince.
It's official! Krispy Kreme has announced all their stores within 25 miles (make that 50 miles) of Lawrence KS will remained closed, shuttered and surrounded by razor wire until Mangino leaves KU.
Oregon still holds the title for "Worst Uniforms".
Why GRAY pants for the ATM Aggies I thought the school colors were Maroon and White.
Why did so few teams honor the dead of Virginia Tech? I did see a small VT logo on another school's helmets the other night but I feel that ALL colleges and U's should have offered some visual tribute...but that's just me, I guess.
Why is Rutgers named Rutgers if it is THE official state university of New Joisey? (Maybe they don't want recruits to know they'll be living in Joisey until they've already signed...Ya' think?)
There's more, a lot more, fun to be had regarding college football, but I'll end it with some pokes and compliments for team names.
The "Uh-Oh" Award goes to The U. of Idaho...The Vandals.
The "A Little More Research Might Have Been Good" Award goes to the Va. Tech Hokies ( A "hokie" is a male turkey who has been caponized...See: Castrated.)
The "Classiest Name" Award goes to Amherst U's Lord Jeffs! (After Lord Jeffrey/Geoffrey Amherst. The school was founded before the American Revolution, y'see?)
The "Vegan" Trophy is shared by The Fighting Artichokes of ________ and The Banana Slugs of ________. Name the schools involved and I'll send you a spool, 150-300 yards, depending on type, of the line of your choice, so long as I can find it locally (name second and third choices). Post your selections in this thread. Due to varying time zones and my inate sense of fairness. I'll draw TWO names from the "corrects" and both will receive the prizes. This contest ends at Midnight, CST, on Thursday.
The "Mixed Feelings" Award goes to The Demon Deacons of Wake Forest...Deacon Demon... and it IS a church school!
The "EEEK! Stomp It! NOW!" Award goes to the Spiders of the U. of Richmond. (Those folks haven't been quite right since General Grant torched the place.)
The "Best Movie Cliche'" Award goes to Wisconsin U. (Please rent and view "Treasure Of The Sierra Madre", starring Humphrey Bogart [RIP])..."Badge(r)s? we don' need no steenking Badge(r)s!"
Oh, almost forgot...The Spandex(TM) Trophy is awarded to Mark Mangino at KU. Phat Phil Fulmer of Tenny-see U. is first runner-up.

Again, congrats to The Tide! Drink one for me, WTL.

Lancer6
Sports Editor and Fashion Columnist.
Princeton Fan!