BrokeBack Mountain

[JB]

The slippery slopes of brokeback mountain..............

Penguins, hillbillies, robots and psycho killers with power saws are more popular than kissing cowpokes.
So are bloodthirsty Martians, convict quarterbacks, cartoon chickens, Hogwarts wizards, Siths, Batman, the Invisible Girl, Johnny Cash and a giant monkey that climbs skyscrapers.
To hear the media tell it, "Brokeback Mountain" is wildly popular, even in heartland red states. "Brokeback Beats Back Competition" said an AP story on Jan. 2 that was typical of the coverage, reporting that gay cowboys were more popular than "King Kong" and "The Chronicles of Narnia." That's as wrong as John Wayne in a sleeping bag with Slim Pickens.
Box office figures show "Star Wars" is No. 1 among movies released in 2005, with a gross of more than $380 million. Next are "Harry Potter" ($287 million) and "Narnia" (passing Potter soon). "King Kong" is No. 5.
"Brokeback" is No. 33 with $72 million, trailing "Chicken Little" (14), "The Dukes of Hazzard" (25) and "March of the Penguins" (26).
But which will win a saddlebag of Oscars on March 5? Hint: It won't be that Christian Narnia story. It will be a movie that sticks to Hollywood's politically correct script like bubblegum on a theater seat.
Even cheesy recycled TV shows like the "Dukes of Hazzard" make the Best Picture nominees look like duds: "Brokeback," "Crash" (49), "Munich" (65), "Good Night and Good Luck" (91) and "Capote" (108).
But they all push politics like popcorn: gay marriage ("Brokeback"), racism ("Crash"), conservatives are McCarthyites ("Good Night"), sympathy for terrorists ("Munich") and anti-death penalty ("Capote").
I'm not saying "Wedding Crashers" is better than "Munich" or Chicken Little out-acted the sheep ropers in Brokeback - only that the Oscars are awarded more for politically correct propaganda than for excellence in art or entertainment.
No wonder Hollywood has red ink in Technicolor, with ticket sales down 6 percent in 2005, the worst dip in 20 years.
My Best Picture pick is "Narnia" or an uplifting story about a boxer who fights for his family, "Cinderella Man." But those were not nominated. Eight nominations went to "Brokeback" - which wraps gay sex in seductively beautiful scenery like French postcards in a family Bible.
There were about 10 people in the audience when I saw Brokeback the other night. It was not as ugly or as beautiful as critics claim. The love scenes were first offensive, then just tiresome as desensitivity set in. But for me, it flopped. I just didn't care about the lost, damaged cowboys. As I watched Marlboro men making out, I couldn't stop a small voice in my head from asking, "What's wrong with this picture?"
In my politically incorrect opinion, this is what's wrong: It dishonestly portrays selfish betrayal of family and marriage as a brave struggle against repression, as if homosexual love is more noble than traditional marriage. It plants a sharp sexual thorn in the comfortable shoe of male friendships.
Behind the beauty is an agenda to drag America's cowboy heroes through prickly pear and recruit a vigilante posse to string up any tire-iron bigots who won't embrace gay marriage.
Slate writer Mickey Kaus calls media hype of Brokeback the "heartland breakout" myth: It's not enough to pretend the emperor is not naked. His new clothes must fit everyone.
Critics insist Brokeback is an ordinary love story that just happens to be about two men. But ordinary stories don't get eight Oscar nominations. Artful propaganda is still propaganda.
I'd rather watch breeding penguins than mating cowboys - no matter what the Oscars, critics and media tell us to think.