And If You Don't listen.....

[joedog]

Fishing Terms

« on: Today at 02:54:05 AM »
I messed up and couldn't figure out how to change the Thread Title. Sorry!

Alot of you visit this site so sorry for the repeat but I found it too good not to share. I want to thank the gentleman for letting me steal his joke! (site I stole from)
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FISHERMAN- A jerk at one end of a line waiting for a jerk on the other end. And waiting, and waiting, and waiting --- .

FISHING PARTNER - A friend who knows all about you, but likes you just the same. Keeps up with the beer cooler
inventory on a regular basis. Never has the right lure. Shows up late. As the fish start biting, he remembers he has to be home
early to take the wife to the mall.

BOAT- A hole in the water, surrounded by fiberglass, wood and/or metal, into which you throw money. (While waiting, and
waiting, and waiting --- .)

GO-FASTER BOAT - Same definition as ‘BOAT’, except you throw a LOT MORE money. Reduces fishing time and fish
caught due to ‘my boat’s faster than yours’ situations.

WORM ROD- A pool cue which has been modified by the additions of line guides and a reel seat. It usually has a small
winch attached, filled with line that could be used to tie down Godzilla.

ULTRALIGHT ROD- Comparable to a piece of starched 20 pound monofilament line. Is used for small fish or by lazy
anglers. It offers great sport until a big fish hits; then it becomes a producer of "expletives deleted".

GRAPHITE ROD- A stick made of graphite or graphite-composite material. It has somewhat less elasticity than fiberglass,
performs 10 percent better than fiberglass, and costs 400 percent more than fiberglass. It is extremely helpful in reducing a
checkbook balanceS.

PROFESSIONAL FISHING ROD- Same as graphite rod, except for a 600 percent cost factor. Broken tips make great
designer earrings.

LURES- Pieces/combinations of wood/plastic/metal/hair/feathers designed to catch fishermen first and fish second (Lure
manufactuers’ rationale: fish have no pockets and, therefore, can’t carry their money to the store; whereas fishermen, on the
other hand ---). Extremely effective year round in ultra-bright colors such as hot orange, chartreuse, and fire tiger when fished
waist high on the center shelf of a tackle store near such structure as a sign which literally shouts `discount tackle’.

FISHING GUIDE- A gentleman who can show you where they were jumping into the boat yesterday and will probably do
so again tomorrow. He runs the boat, tells utrageous stories and smells a lot like fish (Uses an old Indian fish attractant on his
shirt and behind the ears, for he knows that advertising helps).

FISH SCALES- The outer covering of many fish. Also, used to describe a device to weigh fish. Normally weighs two pounds
light. Correction factor is to divide indicated weight by two and multiply by four.

GOOD FISH- Any fish which can be caught, snagged or stolen off someone’s trot line.

EXPERT FISHERMAN- One who has caught three or more bass in his/her lifetime. Is easily identified by the vast array of
depth finders, PH meters, oxygen probes, 17 fully rigged rods, and seven tackle boxes which easily hold half of a discount
store sporting goods department. Requires a 20 foot boat just to float all his gear. Empty live well is readily explained by
moon tables, tide charts water temperature, pH factors, and the Farmer's Almanac.

BEGINNER FISHERMAN- One who fishes with the expert. He is easily identified, in that he is catching all the fish.

EATING FISH- Any fish too small to show off and brag about.

TOO-BIG-TO-EAT FISH- Any fish worth showing off and bragging about, until it has spoiled and must be thrown out.

FAVORITE LAKE- That body of water that produced good strings of too-big-to-eat bass six years ago. It is today overrun
by speedboats, skiers and hydroplanes disguised as bass boats. It is an ideal place to find high winds (weekends only), green
slime and discarded beer cans. It is a place devoid of wildlife, who have left it to the whims of Man.

NET: Alternate to ROD when fish aren’t biting.

LINE: "You should’ve been here yesterday."

SUPERLINE: Used to cut your that steak you were going to have for lunch but forgot at home.

TACKLE BOX: Only thing on earth with more diversity and color than the rainforests.